Often growing up you are expected to above everything else respect others. We become so pre-occupied thinking that in whatever we do we have to respect other people’s needs and feelings to an extent of forgetting those of the very important person-You. You might have all the confidence and esteem but somehow lack enough respect and love for yourself. Unfortunately, you go by life ignoring valuable things about you that in the end amount to self-disrespect. If you aren’t aware, here is how you could be disrespecting yourself.
You don’t talk positively about your abilities and talents
How many times do you find yourself praising others, motivating them and even showering them with positive powerful words? When it comes to you, you switch off and let your mind fetch the most negative and discouraging words to describe your abilities, talents and capabilities. You go extra miles telling yourself that you weren’t meant to be anything, you are hardly smart, you are just another average being and you haven’t got what it takes.
Nothing close to someone with self-respect. Everything starts by using the power of positivity, whatever the situation, whatever the challenge, you are up to the task, talented and most deserving of the best in life. Guard your self-talk and make it a point to be positive no matter how tough things are. Only you can build yourself up.
You always put other people ahead of you
How do you develop, mature, and grab opportunities if you always put yourself last? Sidelining yourself and making others come first is only futile and rob you of your time and commitment to mould your life. How in the first place did you ever come to the conclusion that your needs are less important or valuable than others? If you must ignore anyone, its not you, carry your needs everywhere and be the one on your radar. If anything, when you get to maximise on taking care of you, those you want to put first will still benefit from your overflows. You are far from being selfish by taking care of the most important things about you.
You constantly say yes to things that are not important to you
How painful is it for you to just say Yes even when you intend to say No. You probably want to say no and your instincts agree with you but the moment you rationalise and factor in other peoples feelings and needs, suddenly your No becomes a Yes. You know you don’t mean to say yes but you feel like you owe others something –well you don’t. By the end of the day, you will be unhappy. You don’t owe anyone anything, if it feels wrong or you can’t have time for what they want, then saying no only saves to make you happy. Both yes and no have their place in your life but never short change or disrespect yourself. You aren’t doing yourself any favour by taking on things that aren’t important to you.
You always make it a point not to reveal your feelings
Our emotions and feelings are part of our being. If they matter to others, they should matter to you too, you shouldn’t just be the one to accommodate other people’s feelings and emotions without expressing yours. Each time you go through emotional and stressful situations you find yourself hiding how you feel. With you its always I am fine even when you are feeling down, stressed or hurt. You feel like its wrong to talk about how you feel when on the contrary you let others wear you down with their issues and feelings. You can’t let fear of anything stop you from showing or talking about your feelings. Don’t bundle anything inside and start talking or sharing how you feel.
You seek attention and approval from others
Its unfortunate that you can’t do anything for you but you are forever seeking for some form of approval. What happened to what makes you feel good or happy. You are so preoccupied with what the next person thinks of you and your life. You can’t even buy a pair of shoes before checking what the next person thinks of them. That on its own is seeking for validation and even for things you already know. You are doing nothing but disrespecting your own self. Seeking for approval whether regarding your actions, feelings, looks, or beliefs is detrimental to yourself. Time to stand with that you believe, do things for you and live your life for you.
You keep toxic and negative people in your life
You are going by life feeling like you are obliged to keep toxic friends in your life, even those who have negative impact on your growth. You know their welcome is long overdue but you toy around thinking its unfair to leave them. This is unhealthy and unfair to you because you find yourself sharing a smile with people you feel you shouldn’t be with. Why not consider how unsustainable this is for you. Chances are toxic people will remain toxic and they are likely to make your life miserable. You are likely to meet new positive and non-toxic friends along the way, time to discard unnecessary baggage and respect your needs.
You pretend to be who you are not in order to be accepted or fit in
The desire to fit in and the idea of wanting to be accepted by certain people or friends is an unnecessary façade. You go out of your way to pretend to be someone you are not from changing your hobbies, your dressing or things you value. You put on a show to be seen as the coolest of the pack or the most liked. This is just the ultimate disrespect to yourself- wanting to be the person you are not. If you truly loved yourself would you think that there is a living being out there whom you should change for? Those who want to be around you, or like you will stick with you, flaws or no flaws. True friends will even get hurt by the idea of you pretending to be someone you are not.
You never take care of yourself
You are a spiritual, emotional and physical being. A balance is necessary, you can’t have one and not the other. Taking care of yourself is primary to self-love. There can’t be another you-only you so make time taking care of your physical, emotional or spiritual self. It could be staying away from negative situations, eating healthy or even training.
You find it easier to agree than express your opinions
A difference in opinions or perspective only adds to the diversity of thought and enriches conversations. You don’t have to agree with other people’s opinions just for the sake of it. If you value your opinions or thoughts be confident to share them especially when someone seeks for your advice. There is no need to sugar coat anything especially if you are confident about your thoughts. Anyone who gets offended after seeking for your opinions simply wants you to be a yes person. For as long as you are taking an informed position, there is no need to dilute your opinions so you can give a favourable response. It is what it is.
You never speak when hurt even choosing to take blame for it
There is no benefit in covering up for pain or hurt caused by others. When someone inflicts emotional or physical pain you are bound to keep quiet and suffer in silence. If you can’t stand for yourself and protect your feelings, then who will. Cowing and remaining quiet is likely to make you believe that you deserve what is coming your way- no you don’t. If someone acts this way especially intentionally it is your right to speak up and let it known. Never let anyone walk all over you, you ain’t their doormat.
© 2017, sheconquers. All rights reserved.
This is what I really wanted to hear, I am such a door mat for some so called friends
True friends will never undermine your values. You can only discover true friendship when you interact with people who respect you for who who you are.
Its most often when I don’t see like my efforts are paying off that I just getting on a tirade attacking my very self, yes I do the opposite respect others but not a one single bit about my abilities
How does it help you, to attack yourself-the very person who is supposed to be focusing and delivering on your dreams. When you talk badly about your abilities you will soon believe you aren’t good enough which is far from the truth. When you feel sad or discouraged try and use affirmations that can keep you going. Speak positively about you, your life and talents.
Ooh the signs, well said. There is me the yes person. It hurts to know that I have been disrespecting myself without knowing. I am always taking stuff and just nodding, not a great way to do things I must say
We always say, there is a place for a Yes and No. Don’t you for a second think that you owe anyone anything. Equally saying No is not to say you are bad to anyone or you aren’t helpful. Where you can you will and where you cant, the right answer is No otherwise you are bound to overburden yourself
Great posts indeed, keep them coming
Just when I thought I have read it all, your stories keep coming with a bang. I liked this one, no more putting myself last, enough with being to nice at my expense
I like the way you have sumarised the signs, straight to the point. I haven’t been taking care of my physical self.
Many situations in my past life forced me to just want to fit in, being seen as an outsider hurts. At one point I just felt like I was’nt doing enough as a person to appear normal to others. I know I wasn’t being myself but I just was so tired being by myself. I guess you have made me to rethink again.
This is a good article 💡
The only reason why I have always suppressed my feelings is that I never wanted people to get into my business or to be seen as a drama queen. You explained something here that I never thought of you. I am encouraged to more than open up and manage my feelings.
What a powerful post this is
no kidding, someone hurts me instead of taking it with them, I start beating myself up. I take the blame for nothing that I wouldn’t have done. I come up with all sorts of possible scenarios and they all point to me, me. You just rescued me with this, can’t go on disrespecting myself
No-one should make you feel like you are responsible for things that they to do you. You have to speak up and never try and fault yourself especially when you know you aren’t in the wrong.
Tanks you, good reading I like much
We will keep them coming, glad you liked the posts
thank you for the advices
Omg why is this so meeeee
It’s so hard cutting out toxic people it’s like you are addicted to them. I finally did phew thank you for the right up it helps a lot
Very helpful, thanks.