We get into relationships because they can be fulfilling and can enhance our experiences. No two relationships are the same. Some relationships are perceived as great and others toxic.
Granted, relationships can at times can have their ups and downs. Its just the natural flow of life. It is all good trying to fix and make things work but at times they are signals that shows the relationship is not going to work.
It is often we hear that every relationship is worth fighting for, until they are not. Fighting for something that is not holding can break you. There is never a better reason to tolerate a toxic relationship.
When the relationship turns toxic, it contaminates your confidence and how you see yourself. No doubt that relationship has outlived its welcome. Make a move and avoid hitting the self-destruct button. The red flags are up. Here are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
You are always wrong
Ever been with someone who always make you feel like everything you do is wrong? They bicker, criticise and put you down constantly. You feel like you are always walking on eggshells.
Who doesn’t make mistakes in relationships, friendships and life in general? We all do. We all make our fair share of mistakes. But not you, you are used as a proof that you are too un-invested, or just not good enough. You constantly get gaslighted about everything.
I mean every damn thing no matter how little or big.
You are criticised about everything, from your dressing, your friends, work, business, things you enjoy or like. There is nothing that you do, say or not do that isn’t wrong.
Your partner will not stop laying accusations until you feel exasperated and shitty. The only thing that stops them is your apology.
So!!! You are always constantly apologising even for things you didn’t do wrong. This sucks, you are in effect being manipulated and gas-lighted. It is no surprise that you are always anxious and no longer your true-self.
Living life like this is unhealthy. A partner is there to build with you, encourage where you are struggling, elevate and grow with you. If someone is always on your case, then why should you hang on? You deserve to be treated with respect, to have healthy conversations, share and express emotions and to be loved.
Decisions are made for you
Being told constantly that you are not good enough for anything might make you believe it. Increasingly, even making a small decision becomes a task. You will feel unease fearing that you might make the wrong decision. It is not by any fault of yours that you are being made to feel small and to believe you are incapable.
This is how they want you to feel-helpless. They want you to feel like without them, your life can go on. By taking charge and control of your life, your abuser now has more say than you.
Everything is about them and never about you
From choosing little things like a cheat meal, talking about your day, goals or life in general, they never have time for you. Your feelings are never considered. Fun how when they are down, they need you to provide a shoulder to cry on but when its your turn, they find you needy.
You get resented or even hated for doing better than them. So what do they do—they put you down all the time— from your looks, make up, clothing – nothing will ever be right.
No-one takes notice about how you feel. Your feelings don’t matter.
Make no mistake, your partner knows what they are doing. The writing is on the wall, they will never change and be the person that can be considerate.
You are never sure
It is easier to doubt yourself, doubt your choices, your abilities, your worth when you are constantly told that you are in the wrong. You can easily question things that you used to know about yourself. You begin to question your own mind and lose trust in your abilities. It is exhausting, frustrating and confusing.
By now you are in doubt of most things about yourself, your worthy, value and confidence. You absolutely deserve better than toxicity. You’re a wonderful human being who deserves to be happy, loved and not in whatever toxic mess you are currently in.
Your confidence sinks
With all the constant putdowns, you are left feeling dejected, not yourself and reeling in doubt. You can’t seem to make headway and when you look at yourself, you feel like you aren’t worthy. All your zeal and confidence is gone. You are shattered and left with no ounce of esteem.
You are in an indefensible relationship, with little that you can truly see as positive. This leaves you feeling like you are better off spending more time alone.
Isn’t this the true meaning of being toxic? Your life is drained, your energy is zapped. The only thing left is just a shell of you. You are left staggering worse than a zombie can do.
Ending a long toxic relationship is not probably the easiest thing one can do. There is always the voice at the back of your head that tend to disagree. All the same, follow your heart and you will never regret the move. You also feel unease about the life after the relationship. The thoughts of moving on probably comes with fear as well. I know it is hard to move on, but only you can dismantle this current relationship because its not worthy it. Believe me, the only way forward for you is to leave. You will feel a huge weight lift off. When you look back you will realise you made the right choice. The only way out is to go with your instincts and make your escape. Its no easy feat but you need to be strong and brave on this. Trust that, in the end you are doing this for your own healthy and sanity.
When you pick yourself and on your way out, know this – you are good enough, that person wasn’t just good for you. You shouldn’t have been with someone who makes you feel like shit. There is always going to be someone who truly love you, care for you, respect you and enjoy having you around.
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