- Your partner has an uncontrollable temper often using outburst of anger to manipulate you into doing what you don’t want. Their anger is just a cover as they are seeking to gain full control over you
- When you argue they use intimidation as a means to break you by locking doors or windows, throwing objects, making threats, or giving the silent treatment.
- It is never their fault so you always take the blame making it seem that they would treat you like an angel if you weren’t doing abc or d.
- To make sure they exert their ultimate control, they will either use subtle reasons or even full-force intimidation to control your use of communication devices and social media platform
Is this you? If you are experiencing any one of the signs or you know a friend or family in a similar situation, it is time to raise the red flag. Unless if you are in a relationship with the most flawless partner, arguments and disagreements are bound to occur from time to time. Some people go to an extend of saying that arguments are a sign of a healthy relationship but when they begin to form a pattern that erode your worth or are used to attack your persona they soon turn into abuse.
You fall in the trap of their manipulative behaviour and end up accepting all the blame taking responsibility over something that was never about you. Just as well, the best thing I have heard is “You teach people how to treat you” for me this is bang on. Your response to someone’s behaviour teaches them what is and isn’t acceptable, so if you roll over and take whatever they give, the message is that it’s okay for them to do that.
Yes, your partner might not be sexually or physically violent but they have perfected the art of emotionally and psychologically abusing you with no regard or respect for you. As sensitive as this might be, they can as well be devoid of any love for you. If you have been dismissing any of this behaviour for their anger or your so-called fault, you are feeding their manipulative ways. I am going to be bold with you. If someone is regularly treating you badly their behaviour is not okay. Your task, and I get how scary this might seem, is to change your response to start giving them that message. This doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic showdown it can be done gently and with the same respect that you want.
Your partner is likely to continue abusing you and walk over you because you are like a doormat. Being submissive to their behaviour allows them to take control leaving you feeling like you are the one who need to make changes. Pleasing your partner at your expense might begin with the best intentions, but if you’re not careful, you keep on doing so because you want to see how pleased they are with what you’ve done or even to hear those magic words “YOU ARE AWESOME ”. Being a people pleaser can turn you into a bottomless pit that not only sees others take advantage of you, but seriously damages your self-esteem
If you’ve truly done all you can to change things and to stop being treated bad and nothing seems to work, then GET THE HELL OUT. Life is way too short to have your experience of it and your self-esteem damaged by someone else, and sometimes you need to make a brave choice. You don’t need to keep on keeping on, and you don’t need to put up with being treated bad because you are scared to lose this type of person who;
- Prevents you from being with friends or family or from going to work, school, or to other activities.
- Coerces you into having sex. They can threaten to post private pictures/video of you online if you don’t comply.
- Stalks you
- Swings from being sweet and charming to mean or cruel.
- Hardy shows or shares empathy
- They tend to blame you for their temper outbursts
- Are quick to threaten you, others or themselves
- Hide their insecurity behind a superiority act
- Exhibit extreme arrogance
- Deprive you of finances
I leave you with an exhaustive list that helps to raise any red flags in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to challenge a partner whose traits resemble any on the list. Always remember, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are important, you are special, you are unique, you are wonderful, you are talented and as the famous quote says “your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worthy”- Ouote Unknown
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