Overcoming Fear and Self-Sabotage

With Halloween fast approaching fear is in the air!

Ghost stories and scary costumes fill the night sky! Hallows Eve and witches… oh wait, this is a blog about a different kind of fear.

The fear we hold in our minds, the kind that sets us back from accomplishing our goals but just like the Fear of all things scary on Halloween, the fear in our minds can paralyze our progress and our accomplishments just the same.

But what if I told you it’s not real. Like the comforting words your mom used to tell you when you were a little kid and watched a scary movie. “Honey it’s not real, it’s all just make believe.” She was right, it’s not real. And the only thing that stands in our way of achieving our goals, is ourselves.

I love the quote in the Will Smith movie when he says, “fear is not real, danger is real. Danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

Fear is a feeling that you allow yourself to have. It is product of your imagination.

Anytime that we don’t accomplish our goals it is likely because we fear something that is preventing us from moving forward. We end up starting a vicious cycle of self- sabotage which shows itself through excuses.

We come up with a million reasons why we can’t make it to the gym or look for a different job or start a business. We listen to our limiting beliefs that we are not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough. Don’t believe that shit. You Are Enough.

But it happens to the best of us. In fact it’s happening to me right now as I am writing this. One of my goals is to get back in the gym and lose 20 lbs.

Excuses, Excuses

Here are my thoughts and all my excuses. Perhaps some of you can relate.

Excuse #1 I will go when I lose 10 lbs.

Excuse #2 I don’t have any cute gym clothes to wear.

Excuse #3 I’m too busy with my business to fit the time into my day.

Write down all your excuses that prevents you from moving forward with a goal.

Dissect the Fear

Now let’s ask ourselves, what are you really afraid of that is allowing you to come up with these lame excuses? For me, it’s that I don’t like to sweat, I don’t like to feel sore, I don’t want to feel inadequate working out next to someone who is a size 2 with the perfect body, working out in front of guys makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to reveal the extra pounds I’ve gained since starting my business.

(Those are my true fears that are triggering my lame excuses.)

Write down all your fears that are allowing you to come up with your excuses.

Now, let’s rationalize them.

I don’t like to sweat or feel sore. I guess you can say that this one is a legitimate fear. I will sweat and I will be sore. This is one that I am going to have to push through the fear and do it anyway! And I know the reward will be worth the pain.

I don’t want to feel inadequate. Who is to say who has the perfect body and who doesn’t? I don’t know the struggles and insecurities a size 2 with the perfect body has. She may be beautiful on the outside and a hot mess on the inside so why would I allow that to make me feel inadequate? What she looks like doesn’t define me and it definitely doesn’t make me any less beautiful. This is clearly an irrational fear that I can talk myself through and remind myself of all the reasons why I am the Sasha Fierce of Business. (or whatever you named your confidence, if you’ve been following my blogs. If you haven’t, you can check that article out Here . I know, I know shameless plug, don’t judge me).

Back to my never ending excuses…

Working out in front of guys makes me uncomfortable. I’m not uncomfortable with them at work or at a park or at a club so why in the gym? Again, this is an irrational fear and I can walk myself through this one as well. And if after, I still feel uncomfortable then I can always join an all-women’s gym. Problem solved.

I don’t want to reveal the extra pounds I’ve gained since starting my business. Many people gain extra weight when experiencing big changes in their life so why does mine have to be top secret CIA shit? Besides everyone at the gym is there to do the same thing that I am trying to do, get fit or lose weight or both so why should my extra poundage be so special? Again, irrational fear and if I was really that insecure about it then I could work out from home until I lost the extra pounds and then go to the gym. Problem solved.

Let’s recap.

STEP 1. Every time you make an excuse of why you can’t take action to accomplish your goals write down that excuse.

STEP 2. Examine the excuse and ask yourself what is the real fear that is causing you to create the excuse?

STEP 3. Dissect the fear and challenge it with facts, do some research on it if you need to. Like how I researched people gain weight when they have big life changes.

Ask yourself is it a rational fear?

You will find that a large percentage of them are not rational at all. It’s just your fear of moving out of your comfort zone that is kicking in but remember, when we are out of our comfort zones, that is when the greatest growth takes place. And for the small percentage of fear that is not irrational, find the courage to push through it anyway. Another tip is to visualize the outcome of pushing through your fear and how great you will feel on the other side of it.

Remember fear is not real, danger is real but fear is just an emotion.

Now, let me go break a sweat and get my arse in the gym but first I need to make it out the front door without picking all the mini Snickers from the Halloween candy bowl. Don’t judge me. 😉

© 2016 – 2017, Wendy Porter. All rights reserved.

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About Wendy Porter 1 Article
Wendy Porter is a Business and Life Coach, a successful entrepreneur and a professional business woman with over 15 years of experience building, running and operating multi-million dollar businesses. Her digital company Crowned for Success was dreamt up during her life changing battle with cancer. It took her three additional years to find the courage to follow her passion, build her dream company and leave her cushy six-figure career. This digital company is not even a year old but is already having a profound impact on over 70k followers on Instagram, Facebook and Periscope. Crowned for Success teaches women how to become financially independent by building a business and life they love. They are proud to be a purpose driven business that gives 10% of their proceeds to charitable organizations that assist with women's equality, women and girl’s education and domestic violence awareness.
Contact: Website

4 Comments on Overcoming Fear and Self-Sabotage

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    Lorna Mcguire

    I was just talking about this my friend fear is really holding me back ughhh

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    Isabel Naranjo

    True ladies don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen self sabotage is our biggest enemy.

  3. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/sheconquers.one/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/sem-author-image/sem-author-image.php on line 774
    Alfie Ondani

    I am my worst enemy at times, thanks, I have to start practising this

  4. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/sheconquers.one/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/sem-author-image/sem-author-image.php on line 774
    Donna Michael

    Empowering, thanks

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