Say No to Self-Defeating Habits

Are you at a place where you can’t just figure out what you are doing wrong? You follow every tip on how to be successful but you still can’t get things right.  You are still coming up short.  This is despite you being focused, putting all your energy and dedication to your work, business or even relationship. Something is amiss but you can’t just put your fingers on it. You are just but frustrated.

If you are doing everything right then you must be letting some bad habits run in the background, without your knowledge. Its a no brainer, good or bad habits have consequential effect in our lives. Granted, everyone has some form of bad habit(s), I mean everyone. The only difference is some people have far less bad habits than others.

Some of these self-defeating habits are unfortunately ingrained in us as if they are nearly part of whom we have become. Just like other bad things, bad habits have a tendency of building up in a gradual unnoticeable way until you can’t even feel the impact they cause you. Such habits pry on our mood swings, attitude and state of mind- As they say, you are defined by the sum of your habits-make no mistake, bad habits can take over and impede you from gaining control over your life journey and path to success and here is how.


You always put others above yourself

It doesn’t matter who the person is, friends, family, business or work colleague-no-one is entitled to anything when it comes to your life, business or work choices. When you mean to say no, you can’t be over ruled by the very nature of your relationship. There is no value but harm when you fail to stick to what makes you achieve your goals. Mind you, this could be saying no to spending more time hanging out when you are meant to be meeting potential investors,  saying no to attending a social event when you are meant to be putting in the hours finalising your brand development or completing your assignments amongst many. Your failure to say no can develop into a habit that will stop you from achieving your own goals. It doesn’t matter how many times you say yes, some people will still demand more of you and your time.  In the end, they too will take you for what you are, a yes person-They too would have it at the back of their minds that of the people who can say no to them you are always their doormat-that last unimportant person who would just give in.

There is no benefit of being a yes person. Why not gain self-control and be aware that saying No has its place in your journey. It hardly makes you a bad person but frees you up from unnecessary activities, tasks and even commitments that have nothing to do with you. Learn to use this powerful word because neglecting your own needs can rob you from self actualisation.

You never miss a chance to gossip

‘Good gossip’ is always tempting. Aint it surprising how you can easily get immersed in gossip, talking about broken relationships, failed careers, failed friendships, one’s struggles or on goings at a workplace. Oh dear, that is a trap. Dotting from one person to the next spreading gossip is addictive. You can feel like for once you are at the centre stage of people’s lives, having that thing we all need—attention. This one though is the worst of all. The damage you cause to yourself and others through gossip is tremendous. Talking about people’s misfortunes takes the very time you can be spending on valuable stuff, self-development and even creating fruitful relationships. You are likely to end up being a negative person with a huge burden to carry. Why not utilise your ‘gossiping’ skills to learn from others to network, and initiate positive relations. Don’t be a small mind that discusses people but the great one that discusses ideas.

Always comparing yourself to other people

How can you live with yourself when you are invested in living the lives of others? Each day never passes without comparing to the next person. What with social media, the constant scrolling up and down of who has what and what places they lives does nothing but distract you. There is obviously the thing called admiration. It has its place in our lives. But being obsessed with comparing your life to that of others isn’t admiration-it’s a self-damaging act. Life unfolds at different pace and time for each and every person. The fact that every one of the person you went to college with is successful by their definition doesn’t mean you were meant to be at that level just yet, it equally doesn’t mean you won’t make it or even surpass their level. Its all about timing babe, you go to stay focused in your lane.

You have the Desire to just fit in

So you feel like you are not part of a group or you get left out by your so called friends or family and now you want to fix it? You eagerly want to fit in so you make it a point to try everything so you can be ‘accepted’. Ever pause to find out why you don’t fit. Perhaps there is every reason why you aren’t fitting in. Making an effort to fit with people can destroy the very unique talents that made you feel less fitting. Making effort to blend in will make you wear down the great talents that lie within. Going extra miles and trying so hard to be liked is tiring and consuming. Not only do you become less happy but you can sabotage your own dreams.

You Tell Yourself  Negative Story about you

You have made a few mistakes, lost jobs, lost business opportunities or failed to take off. So what? You take it that this is who you are, a failure? It just starts with simple statements and before you know it, you are drowning yourself in doubt. Telling yourself repeatedly that you ain’t good enough, or you ain’t as talented is self-defeating. Over time you will end up believing such words because that is what you are constantly telling your mind. You are putting yourself in bondage. Who better can tell your story than you. Telling your story can set you apart or set you for failure. Going about being negative about your story can make such negative words come to be. You are the only person who can best love you, best protect you and best direct you to achieve your best. We all make mistakes, learn from them, we all fail, rise up and perhaps fail again but continue to rise. You are not defined by the mistakes you have made nor by the failures you experienced. You still have another shot, start re-telling your story and give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

You are stuck in the What ifs

We all experience that fear, the fear of being in a situation you feel you lack control over. You immediately second guess yourself thinking you are likely to make wrong decisions. You forever worry that you will not be able to handle the outcome of your actions of getting into a situation. All you are doing is projecting the worst that could happen, this only gets you stuck in the what if rut.

Yes, no-one wants to make mistakes, no-one wants to fail or make a fool out of themselves,  but if you look at it, those are the things that are critical to test your limits, to stretch your creativeness, your imaginations, bring out the talents that lie within and to make you stand out. The very people that inspire you from successful entrepreneurs, sports-persons, career people have at one point failed, and embarrassed themselves-they made mistakes. The difference is they learned from their mistakes and never let fear of failure to hold them back.

Making Unlimited Excuses

In most instances, opportunities don’t just get presented on a silver platter. Often you would experience struggles, deprivation, pain, unfortunate events or circumstances making room for possible excuses. Going about life being pre-occupied with the why card, or declining to take responsibility and take charge can have devastating effects. Finding comfort in excuses is the easy option, it does limit and prevent your personal and professional development. Yes, the world might be unfair, but its been about the same to many others, the difference being they took responsibility and chose to take charge.

© 2017, sheconquers. All rights reserved.

12 Comments on Say No to Self-Defeating Habits

  1. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Cynthia Moses

    Time to confess, gossip is certainly my downfall, am ever too curious to let anything pass

  2. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Ahad Patel

    Grow up l thinking others first. now not can stop putting them first. I liking your posts

  3. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Natalie Martin

    Great post for me really, l have been my own worst enemy

  4. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Melanie Jeofrey

    Couldnt agree more, l am the Queen of excuses. I want to stop because l have been riding on this for long, l kinda lost opportunities and even some very good people

  5. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Wanik Mordoch

    Great post, sadly l have been nurturing most of these bad habits

  6. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Seana Dodly

    Its no wonder, I cant make it sometimes, here I am ever gossiping about silly stupid and pointless things that never add value to me, that was some serious reality check for me

  7. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774

    Am guilty of a few here. I’m on a path to rebuild myself thank you for this

  8. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Hannah Forester

    Interesting posts, I am not about anything but achieving goals and this has given me a wake up call

  9. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774

    Thank you

  10. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774
    Cythia Felix

    Reading this made introspect on what is going wrong with my plans,

  11. Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774

    The first one is the bane of my existence. It’s even in the bible. It says you cannot always let anyone inside your house coz you might be able to let bad ones come in too. It’s a habit I really want to break free from. A very good read.

    • Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /customers/a/b/f/ on line 774 sheconquers

      We tend to under-estimate the impact putting others ahead of us has in our lives. There is a fine balance above which it becomes detrimental to our own lives. Glad you liked the post

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