“Let me be the one to make you smile, you deserve nothing but the best, if only you can allow me to complete you, I want to take you around the world” I would melt and you would too. “This is what I have been waiting for…hmmm…you would say. But who can blame you because there is More Fire at the beginning.
Did you know that you could be entering a relationship with A narcissist, or you could be unaware that you are currently in love with one. Narcissist aren’t stupid. Narcissists can be very charismatic and persuasive. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted and despite having these traits;
- Takes advantage of you to reach their own goals
- Exaggerates their own importance, achievements, and talents
- Has unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
- Becomes jealous easily
- Lacks empathy and disregards your feelings
- Is obsessed with themselves
- Pursues mainly selfish goals
- Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
- Has trouble keeping healthy relationships
- Becomes easily hurt and rejected
- Sets goals that are unrealistic
- Appears unemotional
With their charm and display of interest you might miss on these traits in the early days. Never snooze just because someone is being romantic and taking you to places you never imagined. Well, that is how Narcissist pound on you. Sounds counter-intuitive but hey ho if you pay note to these red-flags you will be saving yourself a terrible heartache;
- They will have exaggerated thirst for attention
- They frequently comment about how terrible you look
- They are suddenly and completely bored by you
- They focus mainly on your mistakes and forget about their own, remaining blameless at all times
- They claim deep emotions and display none of them
- They flatter your deepest insecurities
- They have a series of bad break-ups
- They have a controlling behaviour and have no respect for your boundaries
- They point out things about you that are better than their exes
But and its a big but, once they lose interest in you (most likely after they’ve gotten what they want, or become bored), they may drop you without a second thought. A narcissist can be very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what they desire, and giving her all of your attention.They want you not love you, they need something from you not love you. They play on your insecurity, consistently crashed through any of the boundaries you set up either in terms of their behaviour towards you, or sexual preferences
So given some of these obvious narcissistic traits and red flags which I know you wouldn’t want to deal with, why do people get drawn to them, one may ask. I take interest to explain key stages of how you are likely to get into such a relationship or how you are currently in it. Just like me and you, narcissist are in search of people but in their case, they need partners more than anyone because they always feel a void inside them. Of course as you will notice they are charming, bring the party home and make you feel that you too can be great when you are with them. How captivating? So take note of these stages
The Over-evaluation Phase
I refer this as the target selection process. Here a narcissist prove to be well experienced and in the know of how to pick the right target – that right person whom they can easily sweep off their feet. You will be dazzled by their charm, sweetness and perfect image that every person is looking for in a lover. You will be cared for, “loved”, lavished and they will pay perfect attention because this is more than just courtship. They need you to be on that pedestal so you can feel like you are now on top of the world, perhaps bragging to friends and colleagues that you have now found the on. Right!!!
So you helplessly fall in love and declare that this is the one, but did you know that you are just in a phase. If you doubt wait for the next bit. I got more for you today.
The Devaluation Stage
The initial over-evaluation phase can last for weeks or longer but soon that mask will drop. That shift is soon replaced by intervals of silence, or lack of interest. If you haven’t moved in as yet, I dare say lucky you even though at this stage you are just itching for them to call or send you a message. Worst still you are thinking, why do I always chase away the right ones? This bred of people get bored much much easily, it doesn’t matter how nice, or beautiful you are.They just get bored. The void begins to show.
Have you got a diary? -or luckily now with facebook live or Instagram I dare you to record them. See how easily they get moody and agitated, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. You become the real punching bag. Poor you!!! They want you to be insecure. They begin to make you feel irrelevant, powerless and worthless. They just love it. It is just sickening how a person finds pleasure in making another feel hopeless. They begin to throw tantrums, vile and hurting words when they perceive inattentiveness. With all their me me attitude, they can be extremely jealously, even psychotically so. One thing you are more sure to get is blame. It’s your fault, it is never theirs and with that comes the ridicule that leaves you feeling cheap and sometimes hoping the ground would swallow you. By making you feel inferior; they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves. They can easily leave you feeling guilt about things that perhaps shouldn’t be of importance. “I have done so much for you – what do you do -you wouldn’t be here without me -you will be nothing nothing -you hear”. It is this person, this cruel, indifferent, unfeeling, sadist that is the behind the mask. The mask is out, but they aren’t don’t done yet. Brace yourself for the worst. Here it goes
The Discard Phase
When they are done with you, when you aren’t needed any more, they pull away. This is the bit that hurts most. You are just left thinking if ever they loved you, if ever the sweet words ever meant anything…Love..that love just dissipates…boom its gone darling—vanished into thin air. If anything whilst you think it was love, it never was, there never was love. I know you wanted a warning sign, something that would ready you before being discarded, dropped like you ain’t a worthy being, like you never cared or stood by their side-sorry they don’t operate like that. You get dropped, you get dropped today. They obviously use the most hurtful ways, tear your heart and just make you feel the pain. In their life, its one target done and there are on the next one.
However if they don’t find a suitable person, they will come back, pick up your broken pieces and recycle you through the same stages. You probably have been in a relationship when they break up with you, come back, break up and it goes over and over and over again.
Once you break up with them, fall in love with the word “The No Contact rule” because it might as well serve you from going through this again. The moment you call it quits, say No to text, No to calls, No to any social media, No to any form of contact either through friends or relatives. Its a NO NO to such psychopaths. Goodbye!!! Its time for you to focus on you and recover from this emotional brutality. Be sure to come back for our next blog post because Sheconquers will just be focusing on you, sharing tips and ways of re-building and helping you recover from the damage caused by Narcissist.
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